


The Reason Behind The Dropout

by Annette_Dancer



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Mainly About Saint Snow, Other, The Ship Is There But It's Mild, These Girls Are Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:28:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29417937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annette_Dancer/pseuds/Annette_Dancer
Summary: What if there was a different reason for Saint Snow dropping out of the running for Love Live? A much darker reason than just messing up on stage. What if one of them became very sick and they physically couldn't perform? How would this affect them? How would this affect their friends? Who would be physically affected by this illness?Read to find outAlso the ship is only a mild part of the story but it is still there.
Relationships: Kazuno Sarah/Takami Chika
Kudos: 7





	1. The Start Of It All

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea for a few days now and it just won't leave my head. I hate to make these girls suffer but my brain thinks of dark story ideas and i love reading darker stories. Darker themed fanfiction (of course in my fandoms), YuYuYu (lots of death and suffering girls. Anzu why did you have to die ;-;), MGRP (death at every turn) 
> 
> So enough to say i like things dark 
> 
> Also im gonna be working on this story while I plan for a bigger story. Love Live Raising Project. The idols we love in the dark storyline of an MGRP story. But of course I will be taking my own spin on it. New original powers, awesome names, new takes on powers from the series (meaning the powers are similar in concept but not in how they work if that makes sense. Like one girl has fire powers but it will be different than Flame Flamey and Princess Inferno. Some similar qualities but not exact)
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoy this story, or at least feel the emotion I put into it
> 
> And don't judge my ships badly, they will be mentioned mildly
> 
> I will also be experimenting with POV stuff

NO POV

It was just any ordinary day, or at least so far it was, and the Saint Snow duo was practicing for the big event where they could make it into Love Live. But after a while, something wasn't right. 

One of the girls fell to the ground suddenly. Quite a shocking and scary thing for both of them. 

SARAH POV

Something instantly and suddently just came over me and I could no longer stand. I collapsed. I've felt weaker for a few days now but I thought it was because we were working a bit too hard. Of course working hard is good but doing it too much isn't. So we cut back a little. But still it remained. I still felt weak. 

"Sarah!" 

I heard Leah calling my name. But her voice sounded like she was far away when she was right next to me. I felt dizzy at this point so I couldn't exactly get up or move. It wasnt that bad but who knows how it would be if I did move. But I did manage to say something

"Get help"

LEAH POV

My sister just collapsed in front of me! My heart is racing from the panic im feeling. I called out to her but she didnt respond for quite a while. And when she did respond she told me to get help. 

I wanted to run back home to get our mom but I also didn't want to leave Sarah here. 

"What do I do? What do I do?" I asked myself in a panicked way 

That's when it occured to me. I had a phone I could use

I took out my phone and called our mom. I explained the situation to her and she rushed over immediately 

We took my sister home and put her in her bed to rest while we figured our whether to take her to the hospital or to see the normal family doctor. 

We decided to take her to the hospital. After all this did seem very serious so no other place seemed better. 

AT THE HOSPITAL

I watched the doctors start running a bunch lf tests on my sister. We were allowed back there with her. We would be more worried in the waiting room than being here with her. But seeing all the tests they were doing also made us worried. 

SARAH POV

The doctors were doing all sorts of tests on me to see what was going on. I felt more in my right mind than I did before. The dizziness was gone. I was able to fully talk with them about how I felt and what was going on. Of course this is where I would find out what's happening to me. 

But I can't help but to wonder, how worried are my mom and Leah? 

None of us cared about Love Live at this moment. All we cared about is finding out what was happening to me. Though of course we did still care about it, it wasn't our top thing to worry about. Which also leads to the question, will we even be able to try to make it in? I want to have hope that we can but something is telling me we won't be able to. Perhaps it's just my body telling me that I physically can't. 

At this point with everything that was going on and whatever was happening to me, I felt tired. But I couldn't sleep until the tests were done. 

AFTER THE TESTS

The tests are finally done now. I can fall asleep. All of this in itself was tiring. I know mom and Leah can feel it too.

I closed my eyes and everything went dark. At least until a dream came

LEAH POV

She fell asleep. Being here this long was tiring but I feel it would have been more tiring for her. 

At this point I just hope that Sarah will be okay. 

I think I should contact her girlfriend and tell her what's going on. She'll need to know

So I called her and actually had to speak. More than usual. But this had to be done. 

"Hello Sarah" she answered

I had to call from Sarah's phone. I didn't have Chika's number. Yeah my sister is dating the leader of Aqours. It's not that big of a deal. Idols date each other all the time don't they? 

I responded back

"Actually this is Leah"

"Why are you calling me using her phone? Did something happen?!"

"Yes actually. She collapsed when we were practicing today and she just seems like something serious is going on with her. She's at the hospital right now. That's where im calling you from right now. She's asleep right now but I figured you needed to know about this so I called"

"Im going to take a trip up there as soon as i can! I have to see her"

"We'll see you then. We'll pick you up. You can stay with us"

"Thank you. Ill buy my plane ticket right now"

"We'll see you soon"

"I'll see you guys as fast as I can"

The call ended there. I had to speak more than I ever have before. I didn't like it. I don't like talking that much. 

It's getting late. We should head home to sleep and return tomorrow. There's nowhere to sleep here where we can stay with her. I am sad about that. 

Please be okay Sarah

We went home and i went to sleep. Last thing on my mind is hoping she'll be alright


	2. Diagnosis And Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its darker than last chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much darker than the last one. You have been warned
> 
> But you clicked on this story for a dark story anyways so you knew what you were getting into. 
> 
> Good luck on this dark emotional roller coaster of a chapter
> 
> This is also the longest chapter I've ever written

MORNING TIME LEAH POV

We had to get back to the hospital. It was morning now after all and we have to be there for Sarah. I'm worried as hell to the point I kind of feel a bit sick myself. But I have to keep my nerves together. Anxiety or not I have to be there for her. 

I got dressed in a comfortable outfit. One that would of course suit the weather outside as well as make sure I'm as comfortable as I can be right now. I still have no idea what's going on with my sister but it can't be good. And I can't help comfort her if I'm uncomfortable myself. 

I took a deep breath and walked out of my room. I had to get something to eat. I didn't feel like eating anything due to my nerves but I had to force myself to eat a little something. I can probably also carry a snack with me too because I know I'm not going to eat much now. 

So I grabbed a protien bar, we have a box of them for occasions we arent exactly hungry when we leave but we know we will get hungry while out. No need for stopping for fast food or something this way. It may not be the best thing to eat but it does the job when in a pinch. I put the bar in a small bag and went to get myself something small to eat now. 

I got myself something small to eat from the fridge. And as expected, I didn't eat very much of it. I couldn't with this anxiety 

I sighed and tossed what I didn't eat. It wasn't really worth saving for later. 

I went to meet with my parents. Yes our dad was here too now. He was on a bussiness trip in the next town over when this happened. When he heard what happened he told his boss. His boss understood the family crisis and let him leave early. But when he got home it was too late for him to see Sarah. Visiting hours have limited time after all. But today all 3 of us were going to see her. And we should find out what awful thing is doing this to my poor sister. Whatever that thing is I hate it with all I've got. And if it could possibly take her life. I won't let it. I won't let it take my sister away from me. She's stronger than this. I know she is. And I know Chika also wont let anything take Sarah's life. They're a really cute couple. Im really happy for them. 

Perhaps I should also bring a phone charger. I might want to call a friend for support. Ill bring some chargers. One for my sister too. In case she has to stay longer. So she can keep in contact with us personally. If she can. 

I packed the chargers in the small bag. I also carried a few cold bottles of water. It may be more money to buy the water there. Even though it is just water. 

We got in the car and headed on our way

HOSPITAL SARAH POV

My mom and Leah had to leave last night because they had nowhere to stay after visiting hours. But I know they'll be back today. I looked at my phone to check the time, the battery was also at 15%. My phone was dying. And for all we know I could be too but hopefully not. I think I would be a lot weaker if I was dying. Whatever this is I can get through it. I may be weak physically but I'm strong mentally

When I looked up again I looked towards the door. I saw my family entering the room. I instantly gave a smile. I was happy to see them. 

Leah had run over to me and hugged me. Was I worrying her this much? She knows I can handle whatever this is. She of all people knows how mentally strong I am. 

I hugged her back. The best I could when I'm as weak as I am and with an IV in one of my arms. Not the most comfortable thing I can tell you that.

"Sarah I brought some water and a charger. In case you stay here longer you're going to need the charger to keep your phone battery to contact us. Though I hope you get to come home today"

"I hope so too. Can you please help me plug this thing in?"

She plugged the charger in for me and It did reach the side table. I plugged my phone in to charge. 

Leah looked at her phone. It seemed she was texting someone. Perhaps a friend so they can help her in things she needs like from school or helping her with the nerves I know she's having from me being like this

Then the doctor walked in with the results of the testing

And what he said hit me like a truck

This wasn't exhaustion or being tired. This was much worse than I could ever have imagined. But I know I can get through this. I will get through this. I'm mentally strong

LEAH POV

I couldn't believe my ears when the doctor told us what Sarah had. It honestly felt like my heart stopped for a moment there. And like it dropped out of my chest

Out of all possible things that could be wrong, my sister got diagnosed with the one main thing I didn't want it to be. The only good kind is the zodiac sign. The zodiac sign can't kill people. Why does my sister have to have cancer! 

I want to cry. But then I realized, I already was crying. 

I had to get support from a friend. I decided to text Ruby

I told her what had just happened

She responded

(For the texts you'll know who is who by letters)

R: oh my! I'm so sorry to hear that. I'll do my rubesty to help comfort you

L: thank you Ruby.

L: this is gonna be hard on all of us

R: but you have all of us in Aqours as support. 

L: thank you again. Right now I just can't stop crying. I need my sister to be okay

R: km sure she will be. She's strong and you are too

R: I'm*

L: thank you Ruby. I should probably get off my phone now

(End of texting)

I put my phone down and gave my sister a hug. She needed it badly. I just let out all of my emotions then and there 

SARAH POV

The doctor did also say I was allowed to go home. A much more comforting and comfortable place. But I'm probably going to see more of this place than I'd like to. Let's just face it. I will be seeing more of this place than I'd like to. 

At a time like this I really wish my girlfriend didn't live so damn far away. I miss her a lot. And right now I need her more than ever. 

But getting this treated would also happen before leaving. Whatever will help. 

A FEW DAYS LATER LEAH POV

Mom and I went to pick Chika up from the airport. Today was the soonest flight she could book so that's what she did. 

I greeted her and told her that we were headed back to our house. From there I'd take her to Sarah's room. 

We didn't take Sarah with us here because we weren't sure how she would handle it and she needed more time to sleep and rest. She's already gone through a lot as it is. 

BACK AT THE KAZUNO HOME

I lead Chika to my sister's room 

SARAH POV

I woke up from my sleep and looked towards my door. I could sense that someone was on the other side of it. 

"You're allowed to come in you know" I said

I was about to get up to open the door when the door opened

Standing on the other side of that door was none other than my wonderful girlfriend. 

I got up to greet her with a hug. She could instantly tell how weak I was physically. But I was just happy to see her. 

She helped me back to my bed and she sat down with me so we could talk. That's where I explained everything to her. 

She instantly gave me a hug and told me it would be alright. 

"I feel mentally stronger having you here. I'm already staying strong mentally. You're already helping make my mental strenth stronger than normal. I know I'm gonna get through this. And I won't be alone. I have my loved ones with me"

"I'm glad to hear that I'm helping you darling. I know this is a bad situation but lets keep remaining positive!"

"Of course. That's the only way to get the most out of life while I have it. Everyone will die eventually but I'm going to make sure that my time won't come until many years from now"

"For now let's just enjoy the moment"

At this point we hugged. I also felt tired again. I guess this was taking that much out of me. 

I started to fall asleep in her arms after we finished talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate making these girls suffer but my story ideas are usually all dark. Dark is exciting to me. 
> 
> Also on a happy note I bought a Sarah neso. 
> 
> Also I'm tired. And when I'm writing a story and I finish it while I'm tired the story part usually ends with the girl I'm writing the POV of falling asleep.


	3. Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of suffering actually. Mainly by Leah this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not that there is a trigger warning in this chapter. For those who are sensitive to self harm related issues please do follow my warning and skip to when I say it's clear to continue. You have been warned

SARAH POV

When I woke up the next day I woke to see my wonderful girlfriend sleeping next to me. In my bed. She looked so cute while asleep. I wanted to kiss her forehead or cheek. Even though I felt like total crap I still felt extremely happy being with her. 

If I'm being honest I actually got a song idea. I know I can't exactly perform anything but I can still sing. Even if I can't dance I still won't give up on singing. Unless I lose my voice I'll keep on singing. We both can keep singing. Making the most of a hellish situation

Though there is one thing that worries me. School. I know I'm in my final year but I still have to focus and go. But how many days will I miss because of this? Perhaps I can switch to being homeschooled? I should mention this to my parents later. 

I looked over and saw my girlfriend waking up. 

"Hello Cutie"

She just looked at me and smiled. Now I really wanted to kiss her. 

I went for it. I kissed her soft lips

I didn't know how long she would stay here but I was going to make the most of these moments we have. Until she has to go back. 

I love her so much 

And I know she loves me back

LEAH POV

I woke up as usual. I wanted to check on my sister. I'm so worried about her. 

I got up, and without even getting dressed, I walked to her door and knocked. 

"Come in"

I heard her voice tell me I could enter

I walked in to see her and Chika sitting together on her bed. 

"Hi sis. I just wanted to check on you."

"I see. Well feel free to join us in talking"

She invited me to talk with her. Even though I never say much. 

I wonder what they were talking about

BACK TO SARAH POV

Leah came to my room because she's worried about me. She's such a great sister. 

"I think I'm going to update our fans on our social media page. They deserve to know what's going on as well"

Leah nodded. She agreed with me. Plus this was my decision 

So I went to our social media page (imagine it as your fave social media) and I made a post. I explained everything that was going on and signed the post off with my name. 

Almost instantly after I posted messages came flooding in

I went to my personal account to respond to these messages. 

All the comments were of worry and concern. And some who understood what I was going through. Some going through this as well. Just like I am. I made a comment myself saying "let's make it through this together everyone" 

We wouldn't be alone. We have each other. 

It may be hard for all of us but we can make it through together. 

I looked up from my phone to start talking again. 

"Perhaps I should talk to mom and dad about something important that's on my mind. But after there's something I want both of you to hear"

I got up and headed to where my mom was. Somehow I still had the strenth to walk on my own. I assume that's going to change at some point but that's okay. As long as I get through this I don't mind. 

So I spoke to my mom about the homeschooling idea. She agreed that that would probably be best. Especially with all the appointments I'm going to be having and all of the school I would end up missing if I stayed in normal school. Plus the stress of normal school paired with the anxiety from this would not make a good pairing. We don't want or need my health getting worse. 

Of course I have other things that worry me. Obvious things that worry me. Mainly how is my body going to be reacting to all of the stuff it's going to be going through

After talking to my mom I went back to my room to talk with my girlfriend and sister. 

I entered my room and sat on my bed. 

"It's time I tell you what I want to tell you"

"Go ahead and say it" Chika said

"I'm not going to stop singing just because I can't dance along with it. I'm going to keep singing. And I'd like to still sing with you"

I looked at Leah saying that last part. 

LEAH POV

She still wants to sing with me? I actually want that too. I just smiled and gave a nod towards her. Was I crying again? I think I was. I guess I'm just happy that I can still do music with her. 

"I would like to keep singing with you as well" I said

Chika was proud of how strong Sarah was being. It's true though. She really was strong. 

Then Sarah spoke again

"I actually already have an idea for a new song in mind. And as long as I have my voice I'm going to keep singing. I can't let being unable to dance stop me from singing as well. I won't let it stop me. I can't be taken down this easily."

Her words were so strong. I know they're true. But still. Just seeing her like this was painful. She was weaker and a lot more pale. It hurt to see. And having to see what's going to happen to her, I don't wanna even imagine how much worse it must be from her perspective. 

Part of me wishes it was me in her place. She's done so much for me. She doesnt deserve any of this. Why couldn't it have been me? Why couldn't the world spare my dear sister from all of this? 

NO POV

At this point Sarah was remaining positive despite her crappy situation. But Leah was more on the verge of a mental breakdown. Leah loves her sister dearly. With how close they are and everything they've been through. 

How will they get through this

BACK TO LEAH

At this point I couldn't control my feeling any more and I completely broke down. Why can't I be as strong as her during this? 

(Slight trigger warning due to the thoughts she's having. This is your warning now. I'll tell you when it's over)

I ran out of the room and back to my own. I had no idea what to do. I was tempted to try something dumb that I know I shouldn't do. But why was it tempting me?

I could no longer really control how I felt. I knew I needed help but I can't get help when all of this is happening. I don't want to worry her even more than I already have. 

So why was I now tempted to cause pain upon myself? I know it's a dumb idea but it just felt so tempting. Like looking at your favorite food. You're always so tempted to eat it. 

I wanted to scream but I couldn't. Instead I bit my arm. At least that would keep me from screaming. 

My brain kept going back to that dumb idea. I felt like I just had to do it. Maybe just once? But if they see I'll worry them even more. Ugh! I can't do anything here! 

I gave in and decided to try it. It was too tempting. 

I looked around my room and I found a spare shaving razor head. I tried to take it apart. 

Why was I about to do this? I know how dumb it is. But also why is it so tempting? I know I shouldn't have but I did

I managed to get a sharp edge and I dragged it across my skin. The pain instantly hit me. I felt conflicted as I felt the blood run down my arm. Should I do it again? Should I just stop here? I hate how this feels yet my brain is telling me to do it again

Just as I was about to do it again my door opened

My sister was standing there with our mother. They saw what I was about to do. All I could say through tears was

"Why is this so tempting"

(Okay. You're good to continue now. Small summary for those who skipped. Leah's mental breakdown is really bad and Sarah and their mom caught her in the middle of the mental breakdown causing her to do something bad. I'm gonna leave it at that)

Sarah just looked at me with worry and concern. I didn't want to do this to her. I didn't wanna hurt her. 

She hugged me and I just cried. And as for what happened we would handle that ourselves. 

I'm sorry for being a foolish girl. Maybe I'm also a bad sister for hurting her like that

SARAH POV 

All I could do was hug her. As much as it hurt to see what she had done I'm not angry at her. She's also not in the right state of mind. Perhaps a psychiatrist will help her? And a counselor. Both could possibly help her. 

I made the suggestion and mom agreed that would be a great idea. But we had to see if Leah would agree to see them and speak to them honestly. Surprisingly she actually agreed to do these things. 

But as for me. I couldn't stay standing for much longer. I could feel it. So I sat sown on Leah's bed. 

"I'm sorry. I just need a break from standing."

I decided to comfort my sister while our mom found people for her to see. 

I thought I'd try to see if she would tell me why and what she's thinking. She opened up to me 

"You're most definitely 100% not a bad sister. And as for my current state, I know I'll get through it. You're not going to lose me. Chika isn't going to lose me. Nobody is going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere any time soon. I can guarantee that to you."

We talked for quite some time. By the time we finished it was actually time for a meal. Even though I didn't really feel capable of eating a lot I had to try to eat something. I don't have any plans on dying any time soon. So I ate what I could. That's all I could do. 

I went back to my room after. Talked some more with my cute girlfriend. Then I fell asleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I have actually gone through a form of self harm myself for about 6 years. I hated myself for it but I also felt like I needed it. So I do know how the whole thing works. Its more or so a love hate relationship with the action. As for me I used to pull my hair out. But now I've actually managed to grow my hair out to an inch above my waist. And I'm proud of how far I've come. And if you are struggling with a form of self harm I know you can get through it too. Just like how I did.


	4. Mental Strength

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mental strength of these girls throughout this whole this is quite different. Leah seems to be struggling more and she's not even the one who's sick. Even on special days she still can't help but think about how she's not as mentally strong as her sister is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These poor girls are just suffering so much. Please someone help them. 
> 
> Also don't worry. Sarah will get better. She isn't gonna die. 
> 
> Maybe once i finish this small story, since planning for the big one is taking longer than expected, I'll make a part 2 to this story. One where it's just a romantic thing, still with some dark moments and possible references back to this story. Perhaps one where the illness like things shown is either something a lot less serious or something bigger and better. Perhaps she'll have a kid in part 2 if I make one. Part 2 would definitely be a lot happier than this part.

SARAH POV

I found myself waking up from a nightmare. It was the middle of the night. My girlfriend was asleep next to me. 

It felt as if she could sense how I was feeling. She snuggled up closer to me and began to comfort me. All while asleep. And eventually I calmed down and fell back asleep myself

SOME HOURS LATER

I woke back up. It was some hours later. Today there would be a hospital trip. Not just for me but so my sister can talk with someone. I really am worried about her. We need each other. I need her and she needs me just as much. 

I had my girlfriend help me get dressed. It was harder to do things on my own. I also know I'm probably going to need to buy new clothes at some point. My grades won't be the only thing to drop. I've already experienced this a bit. But there's nothing much I can really do. 

But either way I ended up dressed in the end. My girlfriend also got dressed. She would be coming with me

LEAH POV

I had to get dressed. I was already awake. I was gonna have to talk about what I did today. I didn't want to but I have to. As tempting as it is I don't want to do that again. 

I'm not even sure how I feel at this point. All I do know is I'm worried about Sarah.

After getting dressed I went to the bathroom to brush and style my hair. I may not be okay mentally but I can still make myself look okay visually 

I'm nowhere near as strong as she is and she's dealing with something that is a hell of a lot worse than this. She could die at any moment. She's fighting against death. And I'm fighting against myself. 

But I was gonna have to talk. 

I looked over to what I did. I couldn't exactly see it due to the fact that it was covered up. 

Though my sister will also be getting treated for her hellish illness, apparently they didnt really do much the first time the day she was diagnosed. I'm not sure how it works. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I'm in no state of mind. 

I didn't feel like eating either. It was the anxiety and the tension. 

There was another thing I was afraid of. Seeing how much my sister would physically change. I know she'll be the same person on the inside but how much will her apperance change? I'm afraid that if it changes too much I might not even recognize her anymore. 

My sister means too much to me to let anything happen to her

AT THE HOSPITAL

I had to talk now but I didn't want to. I was just worried about my sister. 

But I gave my answers honestly. Without talking as much I answered honestly. Trying to hold back my tsundere tendencies. 

And I was diagnosed with some mental health stuff. Given medicine to help with it. But we had to pick those up at the pharmacy. But after we get my sister back from her thing. It actually didn't take long for me to be diagnosed with these mental health problems. 

But my worry didn't go away. I couldn't help but wonder, how was she doing?

I sat thinking for a while. And after some time passed I felt someone shaking my shoulder. 

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up. My sister was back out here. But she was being carried by Chika. I wonder why exactly. 

SARAH POV

I felt tired and weak. Too weak to walk. So I was being carried by my girlfriend. She's too kind. I love her so much. 

I was carried back to the car and placed inside

Everyone else got in the car too and we headed home. 

When we did get home I was carried inside and placed on my bed

All I could do was lay here. But my beautiful and cute girlfriend was here with me still. She stayed with me. Sat on my bed and even layed next to me. She did both. Of course not at the same time. 

I honestly felt like crap physically but she definitely made me feel better mentally. 

She was the perfect lover. She cared about me no matter what. I feel so lucky to have someone like her as my girlfriend. I feel even luckier that she's the one I have. She didn't care how bad my health was. She loved me for me. And I loved her back. 

TIME SKIP AHEAD A BIT TO SARAH'S BIRTHDAY

I was still in my bed after waking up. Chika was here as well. Today wasn't any ordinary day. It was my birthday. And honestly I can say that having Chika here with me and being alive are enough as gifts for me. I was now 18 and an adult. 

I was happy to be celebrating this special birthday. 

But there was something troubling me. I wasn't exactly confident on much. Despite how positive I've been remaining, I can't help but wonder how are people viewing me? I mean I'm not at a healthy weight. I'm quite below that actually but it's not like I don't try to be. I literally had to get all new clothes just to fit me during this time. And then there was the one thing that everyone notices first. Everyone always looks at somone's face first and the features around it. 

But despite that it was nothing that a little makeup and a wig couldn't handle right?

Well for singing with my sister we do it in live streams. And I show exactly how I am. I know its harder for me but I have to build up that confidence somehow. 

I enjoyed doing these streams though. Our fans were very understanding. Even the Aqours girls would watch us. But there was of course the haters who hated me just to hate me. They made comments asking how people can still love me when I look like this. It's honestly just garbage people who have nothing good to do with their lives so they troll and hate. And there's too many haters to ban them all. 

Also one more thing I should mention. I've become too weak to stand and walk without major support. So we of course resulted to an easier method for me to get around. Of course this would just be temporary but as long as things were easier for now. 

It honestly feels like everything that's going on is both saving me and killing me. 

And Leah's been doing better mentally which calms me down more. 

Today I chose to spend the day with those closest to me. My girlfriend and my family. 

It's all I wanted but they still got me gifts anyways. 

All things I really wanted. And my the most beautiful gift was from my girlfriend. She got me a beautiful locket of out love with a picture of her inside and a bracelet with a snowflake charm. But of course my family gave me wonderful things as well. 

I actually couldn't be happier despite my situation

My mom even made my favorite food. I know I won't really be able to eat much of it but I'm still excited about it. 

I'm really enjoying this time with everyone 

LEAH POV

It's my sister's birthday and she seems really happy. I'm glad

For her birthday I got her a bracelet that looked almost exactly like the one she had when we were little. She received quite a bit of jewelry items today. Even mom and dad got her a necklace. A blue snowflake on a silver chair. It was honestly beautiful. And it was also her color. 

Seeing her this weak hurts but seeing her happy makes me happy. 

I hope that she gets better sooner than later. It hurts me to see her like this. I don't know what I'd do if I were to lose her. 

Just then I felt someone hugging me. When I looked over it was my sister. I assume she sensed how I was feeling. 

I appreciated this. Despite the differences in her body due to the illness, the hug still felt comforting and nice. 

I just hate seeing her this weak, pale, and sick. 

How is it so easy for her to stay positive while she's like this? It's so hard for me to stay positive and I'm not the one going through it. 

I'm sorry I can't be as mentally strong as you. But I'll keep trying my best to be mentally strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I make a part 2? 
> 
> Also I'm gonna see what will happen first, getting my hair dyed or getting my neso
> 
> I'm going purple again. It's not the first time I've done it and I just wanna change things up a bit. Even tho I'm probs gonna spend like $100 on it. I have thick curls that go down to about an inch above my waist. I think thats about 3-4 cm for you non-americans out there. Hello non-americans. I know there are more of you out there than there are us.


	5. Keeping Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the important part here but Sarah breaks the fourth wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hats are a very comfy thing lol. Also I did dye my hair purple. I look like Leah had a kid with one of the redheads now lol. 
> 
> Anyways please enjoy the story

SARAH POV

It is a new day but there are still problems going on. Well first of all being cold as easily as I've been is one of these problems. I've become anemic. This is probably because I've been unable to eat much. 

I also started to wear a hat around the house. Not exactly a winter hat. Theres no fluffy ball thing on it. It's comfortable. It's started become a comfort thing for me 

And there's more. I was told I had to do something to try to get more food into my body. But as far as I'm aware there are only 2 options here. One that sounds painful and weed. I don't think the weed one necessarily means smoking weed but just any form of it. Perhaps without the part where you can get high. 

Where I could get this from would be the next question though. I'd rather not go through more pain than I'm already in. 

I texted my girlfriend. She had already left by now. She was back with her family. 

I told her about what I needed and why. Let's just say, if I don't start eating more soon I'm probably going to die. And I don't have any plans on dying any time soon. 

Chika told me that Mari smoked weed. She gave me her number. 

I thanked her and then texted Mari. 

(Text thread time. You'll know who is who by letter english words are between the · okay?) 

S: hello Mari. This is Sarah. Chika gave me your number. I wanted to ask for something

M: ·hello· what are you looking to ask for?

S: (cue long explaination of situation here I'm not typing it again you already know if you're at this point)

M: ·oh my! How serious!· I can help give you what you need. Give me your address and I'll send it over. The exact one you're asking for. It will be free for you because you are my friend and your situation is dire. 

S: thank you (insert hokkaido address here)

M: ·you're welcome· it should be on it's way now

(End of texting)

That was a bit weird to say the least. But she didn't have to be kind enough to give and send it for free. I assume she's using one of her personal helicopters to bring it over. I guess I'll keep an eye out for that. 

A bit later it did arrive. And Mari was the one who delivered it to me. Just my look alone was concerning. I could tell she was trying not to seem like she was worried even though I knew she was. It was all over her face. 

I thanked her and she headed off back to her home at her hotel. 

Now I can at least improve a bit. 

LEAH POV 

I heard something loud above our house. When I looked outside there was a flipping helicopter! And a blonde girl was going down the ladder. Was this Mari from Aqours? Why was she here? What was she doing? Was she giving a package to my sister?! What was inside that thing? 

I was so confused. I made it back to my bed before I fainted from this confusion. 

I think I fainted anyways tho. Last thing I remember before waking up was being dizzy and confused. What time was it now? 

I looked at my phone. 

WHAT THE HELL?! IT WAS THE NEXT DAY?! 

How long was I out for?

I got left my room 

I should probably get something to eat. I know for a fact that I missed dinner last night due to what happened. 

After getting food I went to check on Sarah. 

I opened her door and she was still asleep. 

Out of all things that could've happened in our lives I never would have guessed that this would have happened to her. If I had a way to make it so she never got it I'd make sure she never got sick like this. 

We lost our chance to get into Love Live. But as much as that hurts us both that doesn't hurt as much as the reason why. 

But I know she'll get through this deep down. Even with my surface thoughts and worry I just know she will make it through alive. Call it gut feeling if you want but I know she'll make it. She's strong. Stronger than I am actually. Besides when she was diagnosed we were all told it wasn't as bad as it could have been. 

Ever since we were little I always had her by my side. I don't want that to change. Even when we both live apart some day. I still want us to be there for each other. 

I left her room and walked back to my room. I'll watch some youtube. Perhaps people playing LLSIF or All Stars. Or Among Us. 

SOME TIME IN THE SUMMER SARAH POV

I've been slowly improving. Little by little. It's said by winter I should be completely fine. 

I've been dealing with a lot this year that's for sure. And I have one less thing to worry about now. It's summer now. Graduation came. I'm done with school. My parents understand me not wanting to start college at this moment because of what im dealing with but I want to go eventually. But for now I'm just happy to have graduated. 

Now I have a lot of time to just rest and see a million doctors. At least that's how it feels having to see doctors just about every week or every other week of my life. 

I get time to relax as well. And I can video call my girlfriend whenever she's free. 

And the live streams have been going well too. We recently put one on to tell everyone about my graduation and we also sang a few songs. It made everyone incredibly happy. They enjoyed it and we enjoyed it. It was a win-win. 

Everything was great. Except for how I was feeling physically. Everything else was going great. 

Oh and there's one more thing. I'm actually going to see my girlfriend for her birthday. But there is one other thing though. Mari is gonna be my ride to get there. It will be easier than just going on a public plane like this. I'm excited to see my girlfriend. 

There is one thing I want after I make it through this as well. To marry Chika. Maybe the 2 of us will even have kids someday in our future. 

I'm very hopeful on this. Now don't mind me if I break the fourth wall here but, I know Annette-Senpai wouldn't let this kill me. 

LEAH POV BECAUSE SHE JUST CUTS IN

Did she seriously just break the fourth wall? Can we get back to this being a serious and emotional story please?

"Of course. I just wrote in that part to lighten up the darkness a bit. I'll be going now" Annette said before leaving

STORY GOES BACK TO NORMAL AND BACK TO SARAH POV

I'm very hopeful about this. I just know I'll get through. I have so much support. 

I do wonder what would've happened if I never got sick like this. Would we have actually made it into Love Live? But perhaps we'll only know on an alternative universe or parallel universe. 

And as for the songs I had created, we will be releasing them for everyone to listen to. Perhaps sing them in a live stream as well. I think everyone is going to love them. Perhaps we'll make a music video when I'm done with this crappy illness. (Insert the Dazzling White Town album here because those are the songs. Just roll with it okay?)

I have a strong feeling that by next year we can start things up again like how they were before this. It feels boring to not be doing the idol training. But I physically can't right now 

Part of me wonders, if I was able to go back to the past, if I went back to the right moment, if I could tell my past self to just go to the hospital or seea doctor before it even had the chance to even get to where it did. Perhaps I wouldn't be like this if I had known sooner. But there's no turning back time and I'm handling this to the best of my ability. That's what truly matters here. 

For now all I can do is just think about visiting my wonderful girlfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to have Sarah break the fourth wall. I just had to. Might as well lighten up the story a bit ya know. 
> 
> Also it's really cold here in my area. I do live pretty close to canada so that gives you a strip of area I could be from. But I'll never tell. Also I can feel how cold it is more because I actually am anemic myself. It's either natural or diet. And for me its both. But most of the foods with iron in them I don't like. At least there's vitamins.


	6. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final part of the story. I'm sure you can assume what happens here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still planning for my big story. Almost done with powers and stuff. I'll need to create looks for the girls after that. So there's gonna be a part 2 to this. One that isn't as dark.

SARAH POV

I went to visit my girlfriend for her birthday. It was nice to be with her at her place this time. Of course I had a bunch of people I needed to talk to in order to make this trip. But if I need to get help while I'm here I can. Due to actually eating I was walking on my own. Of course still weakly. But I was able to do it. 

Of course I went to support my girlfriend at Love Live. But now I was here for her birthday. She was so surprised to see me. Her sisters and mom of course knew what was going on. They were also supportive. Not just of our relationship but what was going on. I needed all the support I could get. There was one other problem while I was here though. My girlfriend's dog. Shiitake is a sweet dog but if she were to run into me or something I would instantly fall. I'm still very weak. 

And even though I know I probably should not have, I had help getting her the perfect gift. I got her a cute little photo book with just pictures of us. I also got her a small thing of chocolate. Chocolate with orange exract in it. But of course she would have to keep it away from her dogs. But I felt it was perfect for her. 

When I gave her the gift she looked happy. But also she told me I didn't have to have gotten her anything due to my condition. 

She looked beautiful. I couldn't help but to stare at her perfect lips. I wanted to kiss her. 

I could tell she noticed what I was doing. Her face went red. Mine did too. We actually did kiss a little. 

It felt nice. She felt nice. She felt amazing. 

We went to her room for a bit and we talked. I told her what I want for our future. It may have been early but I mentioned it anyways. I would love to marry her someday. I would love to have kids with her some day. Settle down with her. Live the rest our lives together. 

It seemed she wanted the same. 

FALL TIME

Autumn came. I was of course back home now. It already had snowed up here. But that's not surprising. But there was some really good news. I was almost fully recovered now! Pretty soon this nightmare will be over for me it seems. Then I can get started on my life. On being an adult. Of course still helping my sister when she needs it. 

Everything was going well. Except for that Leah had to stay away from me for about a week. She caught a bad cold. And if she went near me I would've probably gotten it. And with a weaker body that could lead to a hospital trip. So we did everything in our power to make sure I didn't get it. It hurt me to not see her but it was for the best. I get to see her now. I'm glad she's doing better. And soon I will be too. I just know it. It would make a wonderful birthday gift for her if I'm fully recovered around her birthday. That would be nice for all of us. Really nice for all of us. 

I can't wait for the day to come when I hear that the illness is gone. 

AROUND LEAH'S BIRTHDAY

It actually happened. I'm actually fully recovered. And tomorrow is Leah's birthday. I want to tell her so bad but I should wait until tomorrow. I texted Chika about it though. She was so happy to read that message. I was so happy to send it. It was just a nice happy time for all of us

Let's hope tomorrow is perfect for my sister

THE NEXT DAY, LEAH'S BIRTHDAY

It's her birthday. Its time to tell her the news

I walked over to her room. I was still gaining my strength back but I was still pretty sturdy on my feet. Though there was a little shakiness. 

I knocked on her door. She told me to come in

I entered the room and sat on her bed. She was currently texting her friends i think. 

So I told her the news

LEAH POV

Did Sarah actually say that the illness was gone?! She did didn't she? I'm so happy. 

I gave her a big hug 

"Im so glad. This is the one thing I wanted most. You to be illness free."

I was crying but I didn't care. I was happy that the one thing I wanted happened. My sister would be just fine. My sister is one of the people I care about most. The other person I care most about is Ruby. But it seems Ruby is stuck between me and Hanamaru for who she loves. I'm okay if she chooses Hanamaru over me. I get to see my dear sister get her health back. 

Sarah was hugging me back. 

Something was telling me that this was gonna be the best birthday I've ever had. 

And I was right. My sister did also get me a physical gift as well. Cute earrings with my symbol as the dangle piece. They were perfect. I also got some new ribbons today. Today was perfect

SARAH POV 

Leah seems so happy. I'm glad. Im glad to see that everything ended up where it did. 

And it felt good to not feel sick. Of course that feeling is unavoidable at time but let's hope the illness stays away and that next time I feel sick is for something different. Maybe just a less serious illness or perhaps something I know I want some day. Depending on when, children might be the reason. But who knows what the future's to bring? I hope it's more good and nothing bad. I hope the best for Leah in her love life to. I hope the girl she loves loves her back. 

I guess it's time I move on with my adult life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this small story. Please look out for part 2

**Author's Note:**

> When I said I hope you feel the emotion I put in, thats because I'm a really emotional person. I cry when I don't know what to do. I cry when I lose my pencil when drawing. My emotions are just strong. Lol. 
> 
> Also I am very familiar with performing. I've been a dancer since I was 3. I'm 21 as I'm writing this story and I still dance to this day. 
> 
> Anyways I hope you enjoyed this or felt the emotion from it. More is to come


End file.
